GentleSoul Arts

Living a Creative Life

Burritos and Bad Ideas

Last night I made a mistake.  It was a tasty mistake and I enjoyed the process (Isn’t that the important thing?) but the aftermath was another story.

Sunday evening, my husband went to the grocery store for cereal, asking if I wanted anything.  Frozen microwave burritos sounded good and I haven’t had them for a while.  Sunday evening, I ate 3 of them (serving size is 1) and slightly regretted it as I had a mild case of heartburn as I went to bed.

Last night I figured I would eat 2 burritos, then wait a while and go ride my bike.  I haven’t ridden since Saturday and I try to not go more than 2 days without a ride.  But as I sat down, watching TV eating the burritos, I thought maybe I really do need another rest day.   I did yoga in the morning.  My left hamstring is sore so maybe I overstretched it.  It felt good to sit.  I decided to heat up another burrito (this would be #3).  

It was so tasty, and I love the texture of the tortilla when it’s slightly grease-soaked from the chili meat.  As the next episode of Big Bang Theory started, I knew there was less chance of a ride.  I didn’t really want to ride in the neighborhood and I was less inclined to load my bike up to ride at the lake.  May as well heat up another burrito. 

There were 2 burritos left.  Heating up one seemed pointless, like leaving 1 Poptart in a bag instead of eating both.  So I heated up both (Burritos #4 and #5) 

5 burritos. 150mg of cholesterol.   I’m not even going to look up the calories.   If I thought the heartburn Sunday night was bad, it was nothing compared to Monday night.   But I can’t say I regretted it completely.   They were so good. 

I’m not hungry for breakfast and didn’t bring anything for lunch.  I’ve got some chicken salad, wheat crackers, and miso soup I can have if I get hungry. Truly hungry, which may not be until this afternoon.

Wasting time

I have plans. Really, I plan to spend time creating artwork for my very empty Etsy store. I plan to finish the canvas painting I started pre-pandemic. I plan on riding my bike, talking walks, working in the flowerbeds.

Then I sit down. Once I sit down when I get home from work, it’s game over man.

I’m thinking of incorporating a timer. Sit down for 15 mins. Enough to transition from work to home mentality. Or destress from my commute. Then back up & at ’em.

Resting and self-care are priority, but when resting becomes sloth. Going down the rabbit hole, I looked up what exactly “sloth” means in relation to the Seven Deadly Sins. (I am an enneagram 5w4 by the way)

In Ancient Greek is was “Acedia” meaning lack of care. Listlessness, no f*s to be given, an inert state without feeling. It’s easy to see how it was synonymous with depression when brain chemistry wasn’t studied.

I don’t come home listless, or without feeling. I end up sitting and playing Animal Crossing or scrolling TikTok.

The Next Day:

Last night I managed a good balance of doing and resting. I wanted to make some apple crisp to use up the apples I had bought in bulk. They were a bit too mealy to eat. I found a simple recipe with ingredients I had on-hand. As I sat talking with my son about dinner plans (he grabbed some fast food) I knew if I kept sitting, nothing would accomplished. I forced myself to start peeling the apples while he ran to get dinner. I sat and ate after the apples were prepped, and then after eating, finished the apple crisp. As it baked, I played Animal Crossing for 30 mins. The timer for the oven doubled for my ACNH timer.

After I cleaned up the kitchen, I sat at my art desk and worked on an 8×10 mixed media piece. Maybe I’ll ‘multi-task’ listening to podcast with my art time. I have a lot of podcasts in my ‘to listen’ queue.

Tonight I’ll plan a few other small things to keep from spending all evening sitting around. It’s been over a year since I last geocached.

First Vaccine

I received my 1st vaccine for Covid last week. It’s hard to find an appointment in the metro area I live, so I drove to the town my mother-in-law lives, and spent the day with her. I was in and out within 25 mins and that includes the 15 min period to wait after the shot.

Apart from some soreness, I didn’t have any reactions the 1st day. The 2nd day, I did feel sick. Slight fever (less than 101), body aches, chills, headache. I spent most of the day in bed, as much as my corgis would let me. On day 3, I was fine. I’d rather be slightly sick for 1 day, than extremely sick, in ICU on a ventilator and possibly die.

I look forward to having brunch with friends again. I haven’t seen them in over a year now. When you’re an introvert and don’t crave the company of others, it’s easy to fall within the cracks of socialization when worldwide everyone has to stop.

Truth and Delusion

Warning Signs Everywhere

I began pulling Oracle cards this year, to give me a weekly and daily focus. I’ve added Faery Oracle cards into the mix lately as a bit of additional guidance.

This week my Faery Oracle card is G. Hobyah. He thrives on our fear, and grows stronger until we face the truth.


My Divine Abundance Oracle card is Delusion, and speaks to Intention without Surrender.

That’s a lot to digest for the week. I know I fear things that have no substance (Thanks Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Maybe the G in G. Hobyah stands for GAD) but working Delusion into it all. Oh, so much to unpack.

delusion is a belief that is clearly false

Time to face fears and falsehoods I tell myself


I’m going to try something new. I really abhor strict schedules but I need structure. So I’m going to structure my social media endeavors. I thought about ditching everything and concentrating just on the blog. I had disconnected all my social media apps so that no one is notified when I post. That sort of defeats the purpose. I want to connect but also fear being noticed. Yay Gemini with Cancer Rising and a moon in Cancer.

I’ve reconnected my accounts to push a notification when I publish here. I’ll once a week on my blog (maybe twice). I’ll post twice a week on TikTok. I created a podcast which will go live mid-March and publish those on Wednesdays. I’ll start uploading sketchbook flip throughs on my art YouTube channel. Instagram is a quick and easy post so I’ll do those throughout the week but I’m giving up on trying to appease the mighty algorithm.

My mantra going forward is “Have Fun with it”

Back to Morning Pages

I have a love/hate relationship with Morning Pages, the Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way required daily 3 pages of brain dumping. They turn into a bitch-fest, which I really try to avoid so after a few weeks of consistant writing, I rip everything out of the journal and burn it. Or shred it.

Fact is I don’t want this stuff around after I’m dead for my family to read.

But sometimes “talking to myself on paper” makes sense. Maybe it’s Divine Guidance asking the questions, sometimes it’s easier to write than try to work things out in my head. I haven’t felt very creative lately. I draw and practice potraits from Sktchy muses but nothing is original. Nothing that I could feel comfortable selling, if that’s where it leads. It’s technique practice, which is great but I feel the need to get work done on a canvas, or watercolor paper. Something I can display or submit to a show.

I’ve been trying to do daily check ins on TikTok. I started following other artists in a #10KArtist movement. I don’t ever expect to have 10K followers. Right now 1000 seems unatainable. I don’t care about followers, I do crave connections.

That brings me back to my morning pages topic. I was thinking about few connections we have, and relying towards social media doesn’t feel like the answer. I’ve met some fun people online, and follow people I could easily hang out with or chat over coffee.

I don’t think I would rely on them if I was in a dire situation and needed help. Where do you find such connections?

Guess that will be something I work out in tomorrow’s morning pages.

Is it Thursday? I think it’s Thursday.

The US is still a dumpster fire and I’m trying to not fall into the Pit of Despair. This week has been rough. Well, rougher than normal. Normal? Ugh.

I’ve started pulling a tarot card in the mornings to mediate upon, and try to find secrets regarding it. There were 4 sword cards pulled on consecutive days. Swords corespond to the element of Air and the intellect. I’ve been trying to think my way into feeling more upbeat, without much luck. I’ve pulled wands for the last 2 days, coresponding to Fire and movement, action. I’m looking at where I can DO more rather than think about doing more. Drawing and artwork comes first to my mind, and yoga (movement – that fire element showing up). Being present and open. It’s not a thought experiment. I need action.

Last night I was at the store with my son, and as we left I noticed a scarf, or hat left in one of the shopping baskets. I said “Looks like someone forgot something…” as we walked past. The person leaving next to us stopped and turned around, grabbing their purchases from the bag they left at the self-check out. I laughed and said “I didn’t mean you…” as they said “You just reminded me” at the same time. That was a great reinforcement of being open and present.


OK Art Crawl

This year my goal was to get my art “out there”. Sign up for art shows, post more online, be seen.

That was before the pandemic, toilet paper shortage, murder hornets, or Tiger King.

The spring show I signed up for has been postponed until fall but OVAC set up a social distancing art crawl. Over 200 artists in all parts of Oklahoma will be displaying their work so people can drive, view and purchase while maintaining social distance guidelines.

I figured why not sign up. I really dont know how many, if any, people may come by but I signed up. I’m working on signs, creating more art and tidying up the yard.

I thought about cancelling my participation after learning my brother Billy passed away due to a heart attack. He was in his 30s. He wouldn’t have wanted me to cancel. He was artistic and would have cheered me on.

10% of all sales will be donated to the Ameican Heart Association.

JUNE 27 & 28 5pm to 8pm

Keyed up and over-wound

I feel like I’m about to snap.  Like I’m an over-wound spring on a watch, but it’s not going to be comical when I break.

I’m trying to keep it together.  Trying to find things to occupy my mind.  Meditation, sketching, Sudoku and Animal Crossing.

Since the Covid-19 pandemic social distancing – quarantine whatever this is I realize how alone I am.  There are other people living in my house so I don’t mean alone in a solitary sense.  More of an isolated sense.

But that’s is really my own doing.  I don’t share what I think or feel.   I’ve discovered sharing prompts 2 reactions.  The “Fix It” and “Well, that’s on you”.  To avoid them, I keep quiet.  So ultimately, my feelings of isolation “is on me”.

Then I think about why I have this blog.  It’s tied to some of my art and hobbies, but there’s little to no traffic.  I can write this in a journal and end up having a burn party once a year, getting rid of everything so my words are never read.   I think about completely overhauling it.  Or deleting it altogether.