GentleSoul Arts

Living a Creative Life


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NOtifications

I’ve been busy today cleaning and getting ready for the week when I finally sat down and scrolled a bit on Instagram. I have 2 accounts, my personal one which is mostly corgis and cycling, and my art account which I admit has been neglected the last month. But I noticed there were 3 notifications on my art account. I flipped over to it, and no, they weren’t really notifications. 2 of them were Hey these people have posted, you should look and the other was You may know this person.

I noticed that happens more and more on social media. Notifications that you may be missing out. Look at what these other people are doing. I don’t know if I have any feelings towards them, I just noticed that they’re not notifications of connection just the apps way of saying “look it, look it, look it” like a kid wanting attention.

Then I think once I post, I can have it sent to my social media accounts. Facebook and my re-set up (3rd times a charm right?) Twitter account, oh and Tumblr, but I honestly don’t know anyone on tumblr. Am I one of the people screaming for attention? I won’t set it to be shared, this is a rambling post that serves no purpose other than getting me into the habit of writing on the weekend.

Back to cleaning…


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Thankful Thursday 10/27/22

  • Learning to spin on a spinning wheel
  • Pocket rocks
  • A man basking in the sunlight at a bus stop
  • Finding a new ethnic grocery store
  • Setting up the trainer
  • Getting closer to the crows
  • Moving inward

I’m struggling. This year has felt heavy. There have been some good parts but overall, everything feels off. I’ll make a note on my planner to write my Thankful Thursday consistently to help shift my mindset. I’ve learned that I’m an avoidant personality, so when I’m stressed I disappear. I’m working playing at identifying and naming what triggers my avoidance. There’s a lot to sort out.


Burritos and Bad Ideas

Last night I made a mistake.  It was a tasty mistake and I enjoyed the process (Isn’t that the important thing?) but the aftermath was another story.

Sunday evening, my husband went to the grocery store for cereal, asking if I wanted anything.  Frozen microwave burritos sounded good and I haven’t had them for a while.  Sunday evening, I ate 3 of them (serving size is 1) and slightly regretted it as I had a mild case of heartburn as I went to bed.

Last night I figured I would eat 2 burritos, then wait a while and go ride my bike.  I haven’t ridden since Saturday and I try to not go more than 2 days without a ride.  But as I sat down, watching TV eating the burritos, I thought maybe I really do need another rest day.   I did yoga in the morning.  My left hamstring is sore so maybe I overstretched it.  It felt good to sit.  I decided to heat up another burrito (this would be #3).  

It was so tasty, and I love the texture of the tortilla when it’s slightly grease-soaked from the chili meat.  As the next episode of Big Bang Theory started, I knew there was less chance of a ride.  I didn’t really want to ride in the neighborhood and I was less inclined to load my bike up to ride at the lake.  May as well heat up another burrito. 

There were 2 burritos left.  Heating up one seemed pointless, like leaving 1 Poptart in a bag instead of eating both.  So I heated up both (Burritos #4 and #5) 

5 burritos. 150mg of cholesterol.   I’m not even going to look up the calories.   If I thought the heartburn Sunday night was bad, it was nothing compared to Monday night.   But I can’t say I regretted it completely.   They were so good. 

I’m not hungry for breakfast and didn’t bring anything for lunch.  I’ve got some chicken salad, wheat crackers, and miso soup I can have if I get hungry. Truly hungry, which may not be until this afternoon.


Wasting time

I have plans. Really, I plan to spend time creating artwork for my very empty Etsy store. I plan to finish the canvas painting I started pre-pandemic. I plan on riding my bike, talking walks, working in the flowerbeds.

Then I sit down. Once I sit down when I get home from work, it’s game over man.

I’m thinking of incorporating a timer. Sit down for 15 mins. Enough to transition from work to home mentality. Or destress from my commute. Then back up & at ’em.

Resting and self-care are priority, but when resting becomes sloth. Going down the rabbit hole, I looked up what exactly “sloth” means in relation to the Seven Deadly Sins. (I am an enneagram 5w4 by the way)

In Ancient Greek is was “Acedia” meaning lack of care. Listlessness, no f*s to be given, an inert state without feeling. It’s easy to see how it was synonymous with depression when brain chemistry wasn’t studied.

I don’t come home listless, or without feeling. I end up sitting and playing Animal Crossing or scrolling TikTok.

The Next Day:

Last night I managed a good balance of doing and resting. I wanted to make some apple crisp to use up the apples I had bought in bulk. They were a bit too mealy to eat. I found a simple recipe with ingredients I had on-hand. As I sat talking with my son about dinner plans (he grabbed some fast food) I knew if I kept sitting, nothing would accomplished. I forced myself to start peeling the apples while he ran to get dinner. I sat and ate after the apples were prepped, and then after eating, finished the apple crisp. As it baked, I played Animal Crossing for 30 mins. The timer for the oven doubled for my ACNH timer.

After I cleaned up the kitchen, I sat at my art desk and worked on an 8×10 mixed media piece. Maybe I’ll ‘multi-task’ listening to podcast with my art time. I have a lot of podcasts in my ‘to listen’ queue.

Tonight I’ll plan a few other small things to keep from spending all evening sitting around. It’s been over a year since I last geocached.


First Vaccine

I received my 1st vaccine for Covid last week. It’s hard to find an appointment in the metro area I live, so I drove to the town my mother-in-law lives, and spent the day with her. I was in and out within 25 mins and that includes the 15 min period to wait after the shot.

Apart from some soreness, I didn’t have any reactions the 1st day. The 2nd day, I did feel sick. Slight fever (less than 101), body aches, chills, headache. I spent most of the day in bed, as much as my corgis would let me. On day 3, I was fine. I’d rather be slightly sick for 1 day, than extremely sick, in ICU on a ventilator and possibly die.

I look forward to having brunch with friends again. I haven’t seen them in over a year now. When you’re an introvert and don’t crave the company of others, it’s easy to fall within the cracks of socialization when worldwide everyone has to stop.


Truth and Delusion

Warning Signs Everywhere

I began pulling Oracle cards this year, to give me a weekly and daily focus. I’ve added Faery Oracle cards into the mix lately as a bit of additional guidance.

This week my Faery Oracle card is G. Hobyah. He thrives on our fear, and grows stronger until we face the truth.

and

My Divine Abundance Oracle card is Delusion, and speaks to Intention without Surrender.

That’s a lot to digest for the week. I know I fear things that have no substance (Thanks Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Maybe the G in G. Hobyah stands for GAD) but working Delusion into it all. Oh, so much to unpack.

delusion is a belief that is clearly false

Time to face fears and falsehoods I tell myself


Reconnecting

I’m going to try something new. I really abhor strict schedules but I need structure. So I’m going to structure my social media endeavors. I thought about ditching everything and concentrating just on the blog. I had disconnected all my social media apps so that no one is notified when I post. That sort of defeats the purpose. I want to connect but also fear being noticed. Yay Gemini with Cancer Rising and a moon in Cancer.

I’ve reconnected my accounts to push a notification when I publish here. I’ll once a week on my blog (maybe twice). I’ll post twice a week on TikTok. I created a podcast which will go live mid-March and publish those on Wednesdays. I’ll start uploading sketchbook flip throughs on my art YouTube channel. Instagram is a quick and easy post so I’ll do those throughout the week but I’m giving up on trying to appease the mighty algorithm.

My mantra going forward is “Have Fun with it”


Back to Morning Pages

I have a love/hate relationship with Morning Pages, the Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way required daily 3 pages of brain dumping. They turn into a bitch-fest, which I really try to avoid so after a few weeks of consistant writing, I rip everything out of the journal and burn it. Or shred it.

Fact is I don’t want this stuff around after I’m dead for my family to read.

But sometimes “talking to myself on paper” makes sense. Maybe it’s Divine Guidance asking the questions, sometimes it’s easier to write than try to work things out in my head. I haven’t felt very creative lately. I draw and practice potraits from Sktchy muses but nothing is original. Nothing that I could feel comfortable selling, if that’s where it leads. It’s technique practice, which is great but I feel the need to get work done on a canvas, or watercolor paper. Something I can display or submit to a show.

I’ve been trying to do daily check ins on TikTok. I started following other artists in a #10KArtist movement. I don’t ever expect to have 10K followers. Right now 1000 seems unatainable. I don’t care about followers, I do crave connections.

That brings me back to my morning pages topic. I was thinking about few connections we have, and relying towards social media doesn’t feel like the answer. I’ve met some fun people online, and follow people I could easily hang out with or chat over coffee.

I don’t think I would rely on them if I was in a dire situation and needed help. Where do you find such connections?

Guess that will be something I work out in tomorrow’s morning pages.