GentleSoul Arts

Living a Creative Life


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Merry Go Round

I was leery of publishing my post from yesterday, but I’m glad I did.  Once I hit publish and closed my computer, I didn’t think much about the situation.  I watched TV as the puppies played until it was time to get ready for an Urban Sketching workshop.

For every down in life, there’s an up.  The workshop was great fun, and I was able to catch up with friends I hadn’t seen in 6 months, or more.  There were some new faces and I hope they begin to attend our Urban Sketching meetup.   We’re a small group right now but we’re also less than a year old.

After sketching at the workshop, I sketched some more at home in the evening, finished up a Buddha painting I plan on hanging in my meditation/yoga room.  I’ll post photos of it to Instagram this evening when it’s hanging.

I try to stay positive, and present a sparkly rainbow bunny to others, but I think squashing down those instances of frustration and anger cause them to brew and bubble.   Festering like an infection that you ignore until amputation is required.   I don’t intend to become a chronic complainer but speaking my truth in all aspects of emotions.  Events yesterday were good, and I enjoyed myself.  Honestly, events on  Saturday were good with the exception of a few interactions.

My intention for this week is to speak my truth, and work on being heard when in a group.   If I feel I need to be heard.   It is more fun to observe and note how others interact.

Namaste.


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Normal is an Illusion

I’ve been waiting for things to “get back to normal”.  After my mom passed away, after my son enlisted in the Marines and left for boot camp, after my son called saying he was coming home from boot camp after 2 weeks, after my Mom’s birthday without her on Earth…

There’s always something else to cause feelings of uneasiness.

So I’m not going to look for Normal anymore. I’ll accept the things that cause disruptions in my daily life, a broken dryer heating element, traffic in the morning with the annoying LED billboard truck I seem to get stuck behind, winter or severe weather I have absolutely no control over.

Normal is an Illusion.

I wonder if my meditation and yoga practice has directed me towards this epiphany.  I think it’s an epiphany I’ve had many times before, but forget about.  It feels like I’ve been here before, knowing that life is a series of ups and downs and there is nothing consistent except inconsistency.

 


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Broken again (sort of)

I’m actually healing but last week my left knee was very painful.  It was hard to transition from sitting to standing/walking, but once I moved it would feel better.   After work one day I went to the store to pick up healthy joint supplements and pain relieving cream, and as I was walking out to my car, my knee popped, and I couldn’t put weight on my leg.  I was stuck at the edge of the cross walk, and a car was trying to turn into the handicap space.  I waved at him to park and he waved at me to walk across.  But I couldn’t move, shuffling baby steps that were excruciatingly painful.  I think I yelled “JUST PARK!” at the guy, which he did.  Getting out of his car, he tells me he’s had problems with his feet too.  I explained it wasn’t my feet, my knee popped and now I couldn’t walk.  He wished me a nice evening and went on into the store.

I managed to put weight on my sore knee leg if I tippy-toed, and I managed to get to the car.  Which is a manual transition.  I need my left leg to shift.  To fully engage the clutch, I have to straighten my leg…  luckily the store is only 2 miles from my house but that was the most painful 2 miles I’ve ever driven.

I get home, call my oldest son to come outside and get the shopping bags, bring me the crutches from when I had broken my foot, and take me to the after hours clinic.  After a 2-3 hour wait, I go back to see the PA.  She pokes at my knee,  it doesn’t appear to be any bone issues. I haven’t fallen (apart from tripping over Vision and breaking my foot in July), nothing hit my knee…   She explains a x-ray wouldn’t show what’s wrong with the ligaments and tendons, so there was no point in doing one since the bones were fine.  I’m prescribed some anti-inflammatories and pain meds and told to follow-up with my primary care physician.

Next day, call to get into see my PCP (same clinic after hours, just a different side of the building).  Again, pokes at my knee, bones are fine, probably the ligaments or tendons.  She can’t put an order in for an MRI until I have an X-ray.  Which I was told only 12 hours earlier would be pointless .  I get the x-rays and of course, nothing wrong with the bones. A touch of arthritis and a bone spur but other than that, everything is fine.  I’m told I’ll be called for an MRI within 72 hours – since it was Thursday, it wouldn’t be until the first of the next week.

Well, I’m not getting an MRI.  I don’t feel like paying whatever it will cost me, since I have a high deductible on my medical insurance and they only cover ‘well visits’ 100%.   I’ve been icing my knee, taking the anti-inflammatories and if it starts getting sore, usually with a turn or pivot, I try to stay off of it for a bit.    Plus, if I opt for the MRI and they tell me it’s a strain or sprain and to RICE it (Rest, Ice, Compression, Elevation) then I’ve thrown away money.

I think part of the problem with my knee is having walked awkwardly while my broken foot was healing.   I’m more mindful of how I walk, and sit.  And I need to walk more.  I’ve sat around too much lately and I can feel the difference.


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Healing

It’s been almost 2 weeks since I fractured my foot.   I think it’s healing very quickly, and I’m going to try to drive tomorrow with my husband as a passenger, in case it gets to be too much.  I’m walking with less limping and I can curl my toes under without pain.

I’ve tried to do as little as possible in the last fortnight.  I’m not patient when I want something done and I can’t do it myself.   A lot of normal household maintenance was neglected while I sat with ice on my foot.   Now I’m ready to catch up.

This morning I weeded the front garden.  The gladioli are beginning to bloom but the grass in the flowerbed was obscuring them from view.   I weeded the brickwork and edged the walkway.  I really want to mow, but I’m waiting.   It’s the hottest days of summer so far, with temps hitting 104 deg F (40 deg C for my Postcrossing friends).

The easement needs mowing the most.   With erosion from flooding, the ground is full of ruts and dips so I’m not keen on doing it myself. There are other yard chores in the backyard I can do. Cutting down trees growing up on the fence line and trimming the hedges. Mostly stationary work.

In the evenings, as I’m laying in bed, I visualize all the errant healing energy in the air gathering to me.  Those prayers for healing and the sick that are non-specific.  I visualize them coalescing into a blue and gold swirling ball that engulfs and permeates my foot.  The bones, muscles, tendons, and ligaments.  Every cell, molecule, and atom.  I visualize quick and complete healing, walking normally barefoot or in my flats, heels, or boots.  I fall asleep with these images in my mind. It’s a nice way to drift off and if it helps my healing faster, great.  If not and energy work is a bunch of woowoo hokum, I really haven’t lost anything anyway.

Namaste.